Being offended is an experience not unique to any of us.   We’ve all been there, but few are honest about the price we pay to hang out at this “non-luxury” location.  Let’s call it Maximus Offense Hotel.  It’s very costly to stay there and the only amenities are hurt, anger, regret, feelings of exclusion, bitterness and revenge.  Most places we have traveled or spent time at were introduced to us through someone we know.  Perhaps a parent, school teacher, friend, colleague, or simply perusing through a travel magazine and having that special place catch your eye.  Introduction to the Maximus Offense Hotel can be just as varied.  Once there, it’s easy to renew that reservation over and over and over unless one refuse to pay the high cost and understands that almost anywhere is better than hanging out there.


As I began to write this article, the question arose in my mind, “when was the first time in my life that I can look back and say I was offended?  As you are reading this article, it might be helpful to reflect to the time that you were first offended.  The first I remember anyway, was when I was 19 or 20 years of age.  Surely I’d experienced disappointment before then, but this one sticks out as the one I truly never forgot.  Some members of my family were talking with great excitement about going to Mastoris Restaurant in Bordentown, NJ.  No one bothered to invite me.  They spoke as if I wasn’t even listening.  Desiring to be included, I decided I’d just invite myself, so I did.  The response was one of a tolerant “yes” rather than the enthusiastic “we’d love to have you join us” that I was anticipating.  Off we went and boy was it a worthy introduction to the Maximus Offense Hotel.  Going forward from that day, I felt with this group of family members that the same exclusion they showed me that day, would become their modus operandi regarding me.  Was this deliberate, or did I attract the behavior they had shown me based on my own failed expectations of them and my flawed depiction of myself?


I’ve learned in life that by example, you teach people not only how to treat you, but also mirror the perception you have of yourself to them.  It’s non-coincidental that certain people are seemingly always offended and others aren’t.  Anyone come to mind?  Is it you?  Lord have mercy!  Like the song “say my name, say my name” are you at this moment thinking of a name?




I like Oxford Dictionaries’ definition: “annoyance or resentment brought about by a perceived insult to or disregard for oneself or one’s standards or principles”  If I had to pull one word from this definition to sum up how one feels when there is an offense, it would be DISREGARD.  Every offense has a measure of one believing (whether true or not) that his/her feelings, character, importance, or worth as been disregarded.  Truth and or reason don’t ride shotgun in the vehicle of Offense they are out of sight and out of mind.  The front seat passenger is accusation and the driver is deception.


Have you been in offense? Are you parked there right at this moment?  Great! There is deliverance for us all and I mean once and for all, as we realize like never before, who the real culprit is.  It’s not your relative, your co-workers, and definitely not your spouse.  It’s the one that God’s word says is the GIVE UP THE RESENTMENT “accuser of the brethren” Revelation 12:10 –  And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.  Satan makes accusations and as Believers we are to cover wrongs done to us with love, and to forgive.




Luke 17:3-4 Amplified

Pay attention and always are on guard [looking out for one another]! If your brother sins and disregards God’s precepts, solemnly warn him; and if he repents and changes, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times a day, and returns to you seven times and says, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him [that is, give up resentment and consider the offense recalled and annulled].”


Wow,.  Holding on to offense and resentment is too heavy a weight for any of us to carry.  Here are a few steps to take toward forgiveness and annihilating offense.  Is this easy? No way.  Is it possible? Absolutely!


Confess, be honest that you are offended

I John 1:9 – being offended is an act of “unrighteousness” God can cleanse


Take authority over those unwanted thoughts

II Corinthians 10:5


Meditate on scriptures about forgiveness (God’s word cleanses from wrong thoughts/behaviors)

Ephesians 5:25-27


Don’t rehearse it by talking about it, confession bring possession good or evil.

Mark 11:23 you will have what you say, talk hurt feel hurt




Offense can sometimes be linked to jealousy, which we’ll discuss at another time.  King Saul was in offense the same as many people today experience it.  Offense takes your eyes off the gifts, value and relevance of your worth and who you are.  You than focus only on what someone else has and the superiority to yourself, that you perceive they have.  Saul had great strength, ability, knowledge, wealth and purpose.  Nevertheless, once he got into offense over David’s success and favor with God he stopped valuing his own worth and began to see David as his enemy.  David on the other hand humble and secure, refused to retaliate even when he knew Saul was seeking his life at every hand.


Offense sets a person up to become their own worst enemy and eventually to self-destruct.  Saul wasted the rest of his life basically trying to get rid of David.  Saints and sinners alike know that someone else’s failure doesn’t guarantee the offended person’s success.


People disappoint us and we will inevitably fall short of other’s expectations.  Decide once and for all to lay aside the weight of offense.  Walk in forgiveness and let go of ALL OFFENSE.  Go ahead, do it now and run your race well.  Press toward the mark of the “High Calling” of God in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3:14).  Lastly, as First Lady Michelle Obama said “when they go low, you go high.”

MINISTER BERNICE T. JOHNSON copyright 2017     

Bernice earned her degree in Mental Health/Social Work from Oakland Community College in MI and studied Social Work at Marygrove College in Det., MI.  She is a graduate of Word of Faith, ICC’s School of Ministry, and was ordained by Bishop Keith A. Butler.  Bernice now serves as an Elder at Wake Chapel Church, Raleigh, NC under Bishop J. Jasper Wilkins.  She authored “The Perfect Blend” and “Can We Talk” a blended family workbook.